I used to have fun blogging. I used a pseudonym and I did not promote my site. I just liked knowing that what I was writing was slightly more public than my private journal. Then I bought a domain with my name on it. I felt obligated to try and be more responsible; more curated. My writing almost completely dried up.
I’m going to try writing a bit more freely. I am approaching 50 in a few weeks and I am scheduled to be a grandfather in a few months. That must mean I am over some of the obstacles that once held me back. I have already proven myself in various physical, relational and spiritual challenges. I have firmly established myself somewhere between the most and least smart, funny, insightful, caring, articulate, informed, etc. of all bloggers. I am safely free from the crushing obligations of superlatives. I am mixed in quality, and I pretty much will be for the rest of my life. I am free to be happy with “good enough” without implying I don’t know better (and worse) exists.
How will I use this new found freedom? Time will tell, but my intention is to write with the reckless abandon of someone without fear. Recently a significant subconscious concern was brought to the surface. Like a fish reeled up too quickly from the ocean floor it looked bugged out and goofy. I have been afraid that pursuing light hearted moods and mindsets was betraying my awareness of the seriousness of lifes mysteries and sufferings. I better realize that I can connect several awarenesses in such a way as to be a jolly pessimist, or a lucid optimist. My light hearted moments have their time and place in my overall awareness of the troubles of humanity. If I stray into unrestrained pop-culture shallowness, or indulgent self-importance of political indignation, I am confident that Providence will lovingly discipline me with swats of Reality (via friends or even directly as needed).
That is my thought of the day. It is a start, but not and end. In fact, I am distracted from writing about my freedom to write by a concern of how to tag such transparent froth so as to protect my more curated and serious writing on things like delusion. I guess being “same same, but different” will have to do today.