Not OK

Friends: Are you OK?

Me: No.

“Thinking doesn’t pay.

Just makes you discontented with what you see around you.” 

― Robert A. HeinleinStranger in a Strange Land

A Stranger in a Strange Land is an odd book but a timeless title. A child of earthlings, born on Mars, comes back to earth and tries to engage, to improve things. It does not help. It just makes things weirder for everyone.

I do not enjoy living in America. There are things I like, mostly family and some close friends, but there are many things I am tired of trying to reconcile. For the past couple of years, I have made erratic attempts to fit in here. I still have not found what I am looking for.

Much of my recent flailing came from previous commitments to ideas and communities. I wanted to show that the contradictions were not that bad, or if they were, maybe we could help fix them. I’ve used nuanced and reflective approaches in some writing and speaking. I have also tried native forms of snark-powered rhetoric. Neither helped much, and the latter only made things worse.

I am no longer very concerned about the lost friendships from the battles over principles. My main concern is how much damage my personal values have suffered from my awkward attempts at reasoning publicly.

Whether I should have tried in the ways I did, I am increasingly ready to shake the dust off. Arguing about the pros and cons of an allegiance with this or that beastly leader has run its course. How many disqualifying displays of beastliness is enough for some people? I am no longer waiting to find out.

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4 thoughts on “Not OK”

  1. Thank you, Russell, for writing this and for sending it to me to read.
    I think I better understand what you are saying/writing and I agree.

  2. Your desire to reconcile and rebuke is central to your faith. Especially as a leader. Not saying anything would have been disingenuous to your calling.

    I think one of the hardest things is not seeing the fruit of labor. That tempts me towards doubt and regret. I hope you don’t. Maybe Jesus intends for us to not see it yet, to guard our mind from conceit. Would I be able to clearly recognize it?

    It’s frustrating when even simple morality should be understood. 1 Corinthians 5 came to mind after reading this.

    1. Thanks, Joseph.
      There are many who do encourage me, including you.
      My disappointment is in dominant American Christian systems. I wish I could have been more effective. I also wonder if I should have moved on sooner.


  3. I believe our Lord has led me to you. I have questions. I apologize, but I’ve never heard of you. I stumbled upon your crownheartworld page researching Christian symbols. I know and believe God is working in me and through me to spread His word. I asked to take the role as Peacemaker in my family. God is answering my prayers and preparing me to be his instrument. But I am still learning and need more wisdom and knowledge. I believe you can help me. I want to know more about the crownheartworld.
    I want more than anything for every single broken heart to feel the Power of our Heavenly Fathers love. I have been saved since I was little. I believed. I had Faith. I’ve felt the Holy Ghost. And it was good. But not as Powerful as Jesus coming to me and putting His arms around me. Comforting me. Loving me. I could physically feel His arms around me. That power, His power, His love is what I want the broken hearted to feel.
    I want to learn and understand everything about Him so I can explain it to everyone in my home town. Satan has run rampage. Their are good souls thinking there’s no hope for them.
    I am captivated and would like to know more.
    Thank you and God Bless

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